Halloween Horror

Happy Halloween everybody. Greetings from the Vancouver International Airport, October 31, 2006 at about 6 AM.

I have a very scary story for you today kiddies, as I’m off on another sojourn into the deepest, darkest nether regions of America. That’s right, for the second time this autumn I’m off to Orlando.

And, as if the prospect of returning to this bastion of Disneydom, frightenly situated in the center of the Floridian jungle, isn’t terrifying enough in its own right, it appears as if I’m going to spend my day today surrounded by airline and airport staff dressed up in Halloween regalia. Oooh, isn’t that scary kiddies? Ha! You have no idea.

It started with the ticket agent, dressed up as an overly helpful, flamingly gay fellow who was sure to touch each passenger tenderly on the shoulder. Next came the gruff disposition and jangly jowls of a middle aged man posing as a US customs official. I’m still shaking from that encounter. Soon afterwards I was confronted by a large group of East Indians dressed in black, posing as security agents. They weren’t very convincing, however, as they seemed far more interested in laughing together about Diwalli than acting in character. Hell, they forgot to make me take my shoes off, which had the guy behind me (pretending to be a businessman) particularly chuffed. Most recently, I encountered the best costumes so far, a gang of crazily efficient, loudly chattering Asian women in Starbucks uniforms. That was particularly unsettling; as everyone knows that Starbucks only hires young kids with lots of facial hardware.

So there you have it. 6:44 AM, the dawn only beginning to lighten the eastern sky, and my brain is on fright alert sensory overload. Either that or the venti quad latte is kicking in!