Tuesday, November 27, 2007

2010 Olympic Mascots from Hell!

It was a very big day up here in Vancouver, host city to the 2010 Winter Olympics, for today was the day our esteemed Olympic organizers announced the official Mascots! That's right, just like every Wal-mart has its greeters, every Olympics have their Mascots.

For the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary it was the unforgettable "Hidy" and "Howdy", cowboy hat wearing polar bears that were conveniently mass produced into cuddly little stuffed toys for all the delegates to expense and bring home to their children. Sheer marketing brilliance!

Not to be outdone by our fellow Canadian Olympic city to the east, the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver will have not one, not two, but three official mascots…and a marmot friend named Muk-Muk.

Each of the critters has a "west coast" feel. Miga the "sea bear" is a combination of an orca whale and the Kermode spirit bear. (What the...?!?) Quatchi's a sasquatch and Sumi is a mythical thunderbird spirit who loves to snowboard. Their side-kick is a marmot named Muk-Muk (thankfully not pictured here).

I can't say I've ever been more embarrassed to be a Vancouverite. Those "things" are absolutely horrific and we are so PC it's ridiculous. By trying to include every possible ethnic and spiritual group represented in BC we have created characters that are so ugly they will frighten small children!

But maybe it's not too late. Maybe we can quickly rescind those abhorrent characters and replace them with a single, all encompassing mascot that not only represents every PC cause we can think of, but also provides ample cuteness for the obligatory stuffed toy market.

And, of course, far be it from me to pass up an opportunity to make a suggestion. Here goes...

Let's scrap Miga, Quatchi, Sumi, (the damn Marmot, too), and produce a character that makes us all proud!

Yes, the new mascot should encompass:
West Coast Indian art,
Indian spirituality ('cause you just have to),
Japanese "anime" characters,
an Indian (from India) God or two,
some sort of Chinese letters,
a cutesy bit of West Coast pagan folklore (Sasquatch is good, Ogopogo would have done, too),
an Orca (what could be more West Coast, maybe a whale with eagle's wings?),
and most importantly we should stuff a joint in it's mouth to represent the true spirit of West Coast winter sports!

Now wouldn't that be much more applicable and child friendly?

And finally, maybe we could name our little beast something like, oh I don't know, how about Dave?


Judy R. said...

Uh-oh...I feel a new Facebook Group coming on...

Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog For Vancouver's 2010 Winter Olympics Mascot!


He's obviously multi-racial, has an accent that you can't quite
place, is not gender specific, has a jones for smoking (OK it's a cigar, but sometimes a cigar is only a cigar), already "gets" Quebec and is funnier than Mike Myers (my official second pick).

Come on Canada, stand up in "Triumph" and vote him for our official Olympic mascot!!!!!

randy said...

yes, bad, even embarrassing. but surely Izzy is the nadir for all Olympics, past and future.


Anonymous said...

For a country/city with soooo many resources, smart people and advantages, it's mystifying how we can fuck up such a fine opportunity to get it right.

But we did mess it up, to an embarrassing degree. Mediocrity by committee. They say the West is the land of fruits and nuts, and I'm tempted to agree.

Also agree that "Frank the Fattie" would have been an improvement. Also agree that Izzy was the gold standard, as it were.

Judy B